2018 > 2019 > 2020: Striving to be more like Him

I ended 2019 with a much different mindset than I did in 2018. This time last year, I was harboring a lot of hurt feelings. I had experienced some hurt feelings at the hands of individuals that I never expected to hurt me. I discovered some true colors and it took me a long time to learn to handle these new realities. Last year, I was angry. I was hurt. I was heartbroken. This year, while things are far from perfect, things have improved. Lots of prayers have been prayed and answers have been given. I received advice and guidance from a trusted individual and I have really studied on 1 Peter 5:7. Giving everything to God is still something that is not easy for me, but I am working on it. Used to when I would try to give things over to God, my thoughts would still be consumed by doubt, fear, and worry. This year I have improved at praying about something that is on my mind and then moving my thoughts elsewhere. Instead of praying about something and continuing to worry, I am working harder at praying about it and truly giving that burden to Him.

"...Casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." -1 Peter 5:7

I was given two pieces of great advice, the first being "keep everyone an arm's length away." When you keep a respectful distance from people, you are less likely to be hurt. It was always easy for me to put so much trust in individuals that I was devastated when that trust was broken. Individuals, no matter who they may be, will disappoint us or hurt us at some point in our lives, some more than others. It's easy to have too much faith in an individual, and in reality we are having unfair expectations because human beings are imperfect.

"It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man." -Psalm 118:8

The second piece of advice I was given is that "it is better to be hurt than to hurt others." This one was a tough pill to swallow. It's not something that people today want to hear, it was far from what I, myself, wanted to hear. These days people like to say things about "doing what makes you happy" and such. Earlier this year I was in a place of hurt, disappointment, and heartbreak. When seeking guidance, I'm not going to kid you, I wanted to be told to do what was best/easiest for me, to do whatever prevented my loved ones and me from being hurt again. But, that's not the advice I got, and I am thankful for that now.

 When studying and reflecting on what/who I wanted to become, I quickly became overwhelmed. When trying to grow and better yourself as a person, it is easy to nitpick every single negative quality and beat yourself up in the process of trying to be better. I need to be more patient. I need to quit running late so often. I need to do better at controlling my facial expressions. I need to be more kind. I need to be more loving. I need to be more thoughtful about what words I use. Once you start listing everything you think needs improvement, it's easy to be hard on yourself and think "I will never get there." But, in reality, it's simple. There's one thing, and one thing only, you can add to your list that encompasses everything: Become more like Jesus. When I strive to live more like Jesus each day, that's my ultimate goals all rolled into one. When I'm trying to be like Jesus, I am trying to be more patient, more kind, more loving, etc. And this brings me back to the second piece of advice I received: Jesus took the hurt instead of hurting others. Jesus held the mentality "it's better to be hurt than to hurt others." Jesus was kind to others, even when they weren't kind in return. Jesus was honest with others, even if they were dishonest in return. Jesus was patient with others, even when they were impatient in return. So this is my ultimate goal: Become more like Him. He left "big shoes to fill", so to speak, but He left us guidance through His Word and He forgives and He allows us the avenue of prayer, which I'm working on focusing more on this year and in the years to come.

"For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps." -1 Peter 2:21

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 2:3-8

"A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." -John 13:34

"The one who says he abides in Him ought himself to walk in the same manner as He walked." -1 John 2:6

"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has also forgiven you." -Ephesians 4:32